Hi. Hello. Welcome back. How was your weekend? I know. I can’t believe it’s Monday, either. Missed you. I’m so sleepy. I dreamt last night about the weeds that grow … more
Hi. Hello. Welcome back.
How was your weekend? I know. I can’t believe it’s Monday, either.
Missed you.
I’m so sleepy. I dreamt last night about the weeds that grow in my garden, and all about my house. As a general rule, I don’t like anyone or anything that doesn’t respect boundaries. Weeds respect no boundaries. Some people respect no boundaries.
Vile weeds. They grow everywhere, no encouragement required. Entirely self-sufficient. So smug and entitled. They’re even growing in my dreams!
My mean little white adorable fluff-between-her-ears dog has never even heard the word “boundary.” Or “respect” for that matter. The world is her oyster. And she eats weeds. And dirt. And she would totally eat oysters if she could get her hands on some {what? I would swear she has proper hands}. If there has ever been an oyster on the ground anywhere within a 3 mile radius of my house, she’s eaten it. That, and lollipops. I don’t know how she does it, but she finds lollipops all over the freaking place. And she eats them stick-first. Lucky for her, she gets by on her good looks, not on her smarts.
Maybe she has a gizzard . It would explain a lot.
Let’s talk rhubarb. I found some in my CSA vegetable box last week. The stalk is so bright and tart, and pairs so beautifully with strawberries that you’ll think you died and went to heaven. You’d better be careful, though, ’cause the leaves will kill you, so you might actually go to heaven {I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt on the whole heaven thing, since I’m pretty sure you’ve earned the benefit of the doubt}.
I want to know the name of the poor sap who first discovered that rhubarb leaves are poisonous, but the stalks make great pie. And then I want to shake his hand. Talk about taking one for the team.
Did you know that the word “rhubarb” also means a heated dispute or controversy? Me either. But I kinda get that.
You teach me so many new things. One of the many, many things I love about you. *romantic sigh*
Relax about the whole poisonous-rhubarb-leaves thing, though, mkay? And I say that with L-O-V-E. To myself. This is me, talking myself down. The truth is that the leaves tend to scare me. But you’d basically have to make rhubarb leaf chips or something, and eat the whole bag, for it to kill you. At least that’s what Lance Armstrong seems to be suggesting. When and how did Lance Armstrong become the new wikipedia?
Seriously, though, just trim the leaves as best you can, discard them right away in your neighbor’s trash, and you’ll be fine. If you ask me, and I know you didn’t, it’s worth the risk. These coffee cake squares are light and creamy, tangy and sweet, and really hit the Summer-is-sucking-the-life-out-of-me spot.
- CRUMBLE TOPPING
- 8 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled
- 1 cup all-purpose gluten-free flour (I use Better Batter)
- ½ teaspoon xanthan gum (omit if using Better Batter)
- ¼ cup granulated sugar
- ⅓ cup packed light brown sugar
- ⅛ teaspoon kosher salt
- BATTER
- ½ pound rhubarb stalks, cut into ¼-inch pieces
- ½ pound fresh strawberries, hulled and sliced thick
- 3 tablespoons light brown sugar
- 1¼ cups all-purpose gluten-free flour, divided (I use Better Batter)
- ½ teaspoon xanthan gum (omit if using Better Batter)
- ¾ teaspoon baking powder
- ¼ teaspoon baking soda
- ¼ teaspoon kosher salt
- ¾ cup granulated sugar
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
- 4 tablespoons nonhydrogenated vegetable shortening
- 6 tablespoons plain yogurt
- 3 extra-large eggs, lightly beaten
- ½ teaspoon pure vanilla extract
- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Prepare an 8-inch square pan: grease the bottom and sides with unsalted butter, then line with criss-crossed strips of parchment paper that cover the bottom of the pan and overhang the sides. Grease in between the layers of parchment, and on top of the final layer. Set the pan aside.
- Let’s make the crumble topping. Combine all of the topping ingredients (8 tablespoons butter, 1 cup flour and xanthan gum, granulated and brown sugars, and salt), and blend with a fork until well-combined. Place in the refrigerator until ready to use.
- To make the cake batter, first combine the rhubarb, strawberries, 3 tablespoons brown sugar and ¼ cup flour in a medium-sized bowl. Stir gently to combine, and set it aside.
- Next, combine the remaining 1 cup flour, xanthan gum, baking powder, baking soda, salt and ¾ cup granulated sugar in a large bowl, and whisk to combine. Add the 2 tablespoons butter, vegetable shortening, and plain yogurt, and mix to combine well. Add the eggs, one at a time, and the vanilla, beating well after each addition. The batter should be thick, but not stiff. It should spread easily. Fold the rhubarb-strawberry mixture into the batter until just combined.
- Scrape the batter into the bottom of the prepared pan, and spread evenly. Place the pan in the center of the preheated oven, and bake for 30 minutes. In the last 10 minutes of baking, remove the crumble topping from the refrigerator, and fluff with a fork.
- Remove the pan from the oven, sprinkle with the crumble topping in an even layer. Return the pan to the oven, and bake for another 20 to 30 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center of the pan comes out with a few moist crumbs attached.
- Remove the pan from the oven, and allow it to cool completely in the pan before removing the cake from the pan by holding on to the overhung pieces of parchment paper.
- Slice into squares with a large, wet serrated knife.
Love you. Mean It.
xoxo Nicole
P.S. Here’s what the New York Times says you should do if you get rhubarb-leaf poisoning. This is not me giving medical advice. This is me linking to the Times, which also indicates that it is not giving medical advice. This is all of us, covering our, um, bases.
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