Gluten-free buttery Ritz-style crackers more
Hand me a cracker, would you? Let’s talk. I’m feeling dreamy. Here’s a peek inside the life and mind of a lunatic (me):
I think how sweet I take my coffee is a matter of personal shame. Please at least pretend not to be watching me as I add just a few more packets at Dunkin Donuts. I’ll do the same for you.
If my kid has a loose booger hanging out of her nose, I have a loose booger hanging out of my nose.
When you walk by my house and my two dogs bark like lunatics, do you judge me? You totally should. I’ve got to get those morons under control.
I hate my right foot. My shoe size is totally the sole fault and responsibility of my right foot. My left foot is so much better looking.
Without fail, I wash my own bedsheets once a week Fridays. I wash my kids’ sheets every other week. Except for my one kid who always smells good and never sweats. I skimp on her sheet-washing.
And, finally, I hate preachy people who insist that gluten-free cooking should be only a celebration of naturally gluten-free food. We miss Really Good Flour Tortillas, ‘Nilla Wafers and Ice Cream Cones. We know that even the most exotic vegetable or that stinky-smelly-cheese-that-we-always-meant-to-try-but-never-got-around-to-trying is naturally gluten-free.
So. What. We don’t care when all we want is an Oreo.
We’re nostalgic for what we used to have, and no longer can. We’re tired of eating our Fourth of July burger with a fork, while everyone else has a Burger on a Bun. We might know that the bun is carbs, and carbs are not good for us. But choosing not to have something ’cause you know it’s bad for you is just not the same as not being able to have it ’cause it’ll make you sick.
We want a freaking Ritz Cracker. But since we can’t have one, we’ll make our own Ritz Schmitz. And you may try one, but only if you ask real nice.
I give you GF “Ritz” Crackers. In return, I ask nothing. Okay, fine, I ask for your undying love and affection. Is that so wrong?
- 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided
- 1 cup all-purpose gluten-free flour (I use Better Batter)
- ½ teaspoon xanthan gum (omit if using Better Batter)
- 1½ teaspoons baking powder
- 1½ teaspoons sugar
- ½ teaspoon sweet paprika (preferably smoked, but that can be hard to find, so don't sweat it)
- ½ teaspoon fine sea salt (or kosher salt), divided
- 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
- ½ cup cold water, with ice (ice does not count in the volume measurement)
- Preheat the oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. Line rimmed baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside.
- Chop 4 tablespoons of butter that is still cold from the refrigerator, and place it in the freezer to chill. Place the other 2 tablespoons of butter in a small bowl, and melt it in the microwave. Allow it to cool while you make the cracker dough.
- In a large bowl, whisk well to combine the flour, xanthan gum, baking powder, sugar, paprika, and ¼ teaspoon of the salt. Remove the chopped butter from the freezer, and cut it in to the flour mixture (using either a pastry blender or two knives) until the mixture resembles small pebbles. Add the vegetable oil and stir to combine. Add the water a bit at a time, stirring constantly until the dough begins to come together, discarding the ice.
- Wrap the dough in plastic wrap, and place in the refrigerator to chill for about 10 minutes.
- Remove the dough from the refrigerator, place between two large sheets of plastic wrap, and roll out about ⅛-inch thick (about the thickness of a nickel).
- Using whichever shaped cookie or biscuit cutter you like (I like the scallop-edged kind, since that is what the real Ritz look like), cut into shapes. With a toothpick, poke 4 to 6 random holes in each cracker, toward the center of the cracker to help them rise.
- Place evenly spaced on prepared baking sheets (they won't spread, so you need not leave much space between them), and place one sheet at a time in the center of the prepared oven. Bake until just beginning to brown, about 7 to 10 minutes, depending upon how large your crackers are.
- Remove the baking sheet from the oven, brush with melted butter and sprinkle with remaining salt.
- They cool super speedy quick. Eat them.
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